... for all kinds of metaphoric and literal foods. My mind is rebelling against the forced dearth of my normal overprocessed white sugar and flour laced previous diet. My cravings now number among: french fries with tons of real high calorie equal amount of fat mayonnaise, snickers bars (it really satisfies), anything having to do with garlic and BREAD BREAD BREAD, potato chips, bacon grease, spam of all things, reese's peanut butter cups, a whole gallon of cream filled coffee with REAL SUGAR, melty cheese, mac and cheese, guiness, silver oak cabernet 1998, godiva chocolate truffles, eclairs, cream puffs. I may as well just make an entire diet of deep fried lard patties, screw the health thing, screw the asthma, screw the high blood pressure.
I'm feeling particularly like I just want to give up, eat anything I freakin' want, smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, drink as much guiness as I can hold without exploding, eat a whole box of chocolates. This whole moderation thing is depressing! I'm an artist, damn it. I don't DO things in moderation. I don't like bland food, soporific conversation, making myself meek so as not to offend someone. I want to throw paint on the walls of everywhere I go to make them more exciting and bold and INTENSE.
Not only am I starving for junkfood and all things bad for me, I'm starving for intensity and affection. Home life is stultifying. Everything according to routine, unpleasant things never spoken of, no real gut laughter. I'm starting to believe that affection is just something that I had once and is now fading into the murky darkness of half remembered dreams. Like grade school when I had fun playing dress up, but can't quite remember the color lipstick I smeared all over my face. I want to be cuddled, praised and petted, but not too much, or my head will swell up to four times its normal size.
I need to paint. slap some pigment on canvas, spray paint my car, make something really outrageous before I find myself sinking into a mire of apathy...
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2 comments:
i'm sure you've heard this before, the chinese medicine principle that just as our erotic tastes can become perverted through traumatic exposures and abuses, so too can our food appetites. "Naturally", theoretically, our desires acurately relect that which our bodies need...
I studied nutritional counseling with a well-respected dude by the name of Paul Pitchford, who wrote a book called Healing with Whole Foods. he maintained that dietary transition was impossible without a meditative practice underlying it. Just the ability to stop and accept a desire without needing to quiet it... pshaw!
i'm sure you've heard this before, the chinese medicine principle that just as our erotic tastes can become perverted through traumatic exposures and abuses, so too can our food appetites. "Naturally", theoretically, our desires acurately relect that which our bodies need...
I studied nutritional counseling with a well-respected dude by the name of Paul Pitchford, who wrote a book called Healing with Whole Foods. he maintained that dietary transition was impossible without a meditative practice underlying it. Just the ability to stop and accept a desire without needing to quiet it... pshaw!
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