wallowing...

Allrighty then. I've now been wallowing in self induced misery for almost 24 hours, and I'm done. Actually, I'm not done, because enforced inactivity and a total lack of ability to be patient while waiting for SOMETHING to happen actually sharpens my mind and makes me think of too damn much. I don't even care if that last sentence is coherent. Being bored and waiting have adverse effects on my demeanor and energy level. For example: last night I was exausted and didn't want to do a damn thing, because I had been mentally active all day, busy in my own head keeping myself from going completely insane with impatience.

Neurotic much? If I were able to keep my brain busy, I wouldn't be wallowing and thinking of myself as attention bereft. In the busy environment which I find myself (bad grammar! go stand in the corner...), my sphere is quiescent. I find it hard to fathom paying someone to sit and keep a chair occupied. And I don't have a session with my darling body guru until NEXT tuesday. I'm going not-so quietly crazy.

I keep thinking about what exactly I want, like from everything. First and foremost, I want to be listened to, without feeling like I should censor myself. I want to be petted and cuddled and praised. I want to be a zillionaire and never have to work again, I still want to throw pint everywhere...Drama Queen, heal thyself...

Enough. I'm not going to get what I want, because even if I ask, take that risk and hope not to be rejected, it still depends on who I'm asking... feh. Circular logic, they warned me about that in critical thinking class... time for icky cheese...