creating a soundtrack...

As the ichor oozing, terrifying and horror-filled best holiday ever approacheth, and I've been engaged in creating a killer soundtrack for our department Halloween party. I can think of several people who would be better suited to this, but thanks to iTunes and the advent of user based iMixes, I'm sitting pretty. Of course, nobody gets to complain, since no one has stepped up, mostly, to take this over. Fortunately someone else is mixing the thing, because I'm hopeless in that respect. Perhaps I should actually learn how?

the spark...

Has died out.

History is indeed made by uppity women.

Rosa Parks - you will be well remembered.

loss of a dream...

What a merry Monday to be had today. In fact it may be, considering that it's nice and gray outside. However, it started off depressing.

I had a lovely dream about a horse. In fact I was at a party or something, and the hosts, which are part of the other theatre I'm involved with over the summers, sometimes, offered me a horse from their stable since I apparently didn't want to take my car. I immediately took to this horse in a big way. Horse and I were fast friends, and I experienced an upwelling and pure adoration for this horse. This is thoroughly unusual, since I'm deathly afraid of horses. I didn't actually ride the orse, but I remember the feeling very very well. So much so that I wept this morning, while utilizing my showercap, for the loss of the feeling, and of the horse.

the horse was dark gray with speckles, dapple I think they're called, and wih a small head and very sweet disposition....

I looked it up and this is what dreammoods.com says about that (click the title of this post, then search for your wacked-out dream symbol):

Horse
To see a horse in your dream, represents a strong, physical energy. You need to tame the wild forces. The dream may imply that you have been horsing around. Or perhaps you need to be less arrogant and "get off your high horse". If you see a dead horse in your dream, then it indicates that something in your life that initially offered you strength is now gone. This may refer to a relationship or situation.

**To see a black or dark horse in your dream, signifies mystery, wildness, and the unknown. You may be taking a chance or gamble at some unknown area.** It may even represents occult forces. If the horse is white, then it signifies purity, prosperity and good fortunes. To dream that you are being chased by a white horse, may be a pun on chaste. Perhaps you are having difficulties dealing with issues of intimacy and sexuality.
To see a herd of wild horses in your dream, signifies a sense of freedom and lack of responsibilities/duties. Perhaps it may also indicated your uncontrolled emotions.
To dream that you are riding a horse, denotes that you will achieve success through underhanded means. You lack integrity. If you are riding a horse that is out of control, signifies that you are being carried away by your passions.

i hate auto trace

it doesn't work with bitmap images! damn it. So now I have to import this 9 ft behemoth spooky tree into photoshop and export paths to illustrator - all for an hour and a half. I am not amused.

showercaps and other trivia

While I'm impatiently waiting for an appointment, I've discovered for myself that showercaps are one of those brilliant inventions no one seems to care about. This morning I decided that I didn't want to get my hair wet, or go through the trauma of getting residual red dye all over everything....

drumroll...

one with, and one without flash. I'm always making horrid faces - isn't that just the loveliest shade of pomegranate....?

another day...

...Another chemical assault on my hair. This time, however, there is no lifting element to said assault. To simplify, this means that the clor I put on will only deposit color, as opposed to changing the structure of the hair. It will hopefully look like the picture...

"But what does it all mean?", you may ask. It means that my previous color had reached the shade, alternately, of overripe strawberries, raspberries, papaya (on account of thepurple cast) or pomegranate skin - not the little jewel seed, mind, but the grayish faded skin.

And so this morning I woke up early, and this color pulse stuff is now combed in and hopefully working magic. I had to.

This is my own obsession with symmetry - or at least a misguided aspiration of making it look like I really meant my hair to be that color. I'll be completely surprised if it doesn't fall out.

bitter disappointment

bitter, adjective:
painful or unpleasant to accept or contemplate

disappointment, noun:
a feeling of sdaness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations

I think one of the most icky things about working for a really high-profile company is the blatant sycophantic behavior of certain people I meet. I much prefer the second part of the definition: a servile flatterer.

And why is it that attractive men can be so unattractivley grasping? Do ANYTHING to get on one's good side, and (here's the worst of all) forget to keep up the charade - once you're taken in, for however long, they revert to self-serving idiots, and think you're too stupid to notice.

Figures - one thing goes right, and a whole slew of other things go wrong...

14 days...

"...something wicked..." That's right, All Hallows Eve is but a few short days away. This, of course, is my favorite pagan-festival-appropriated-and-commercialized-by-Christian-civilization-holiday. The only thing that could possibly put a damper on't is the fact that I don't have my costume yet.

I ordered the 40" long straight wig, and am possibly going to the fabric store this weekend (in between painting tombstones - don't ask) to pick up disparate pieces of cloth, a pattern, some heavy black thread, and by the way - does anyone know where to get some striped socks?

What a depressing state of affairs when a costume designer can't figure out a costume for herself. Pathetic actually.

beauty school dropout

Ah yes. Fall is here and I've finally tired of all the work it takes to bleach my almost-black with 25% grey hair. My hair is now some semblance of the color to the right. I'll probably take photos and post them, before it ends up fading any more.

The only complaint I have, and I'm sure this is entirely my fault, but the color on the ends is kind of mauve-y pinkish purple, and the roots are fiery ruby. I believe this is a function of the fact that my hair has given up. It was platinum after all, sort of the color of the flesh of a banana (not bruised). I'm sure if I personified it, it would be telling me to %^$%$# off. After all, I'd taken all the color out, why should I want to put any back in?

What a journey my hair has taken this weekend. I chopped it all off, dyed it strawberry, which was really more of a beige, freaked out about it, then decided in my own special mo way to go for it. I'm just happy SOME color took to the ends...

And now it's time to go for semi permanent.

symmetry

Click the title to see what's fueling my post du jour. I'm ruminant on the concept of symmetry. Hopefully my brain has achieved symmetry today and I've figured out the vagaries of the upload feature - see the screen capture to the right for the official widget dictionary definition of the word "symmetry. In particular the second listed definition caught my roving eye, and I have this to say about it:

I was reading the aforementioned article, and realizing why it was that I lost my mind last night. The backstory: I've been feeling lately that I should really have my own zipcode (yes yes, nobody's that big, but tell that to my addled brain), and I've always had a problem with my "waist-to-hip ratio", so when a symmetrical male (at least in my own primitive brain view) exibits those ages old signals, and even tells me I'm beautiful, I freak out and do things not too bad but not mentionable, really.

But this isn't why I'm writing.

I'm writing to lament the un-evolved primitive hard-wired behavior that produces a society that values youth and beauty over wisdom and experience.

My honors english teacher for both freshman and junior years in high school had a lovely plaque stuck to her desk that said: "Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill." I didn't truly understand the didacticism of this statement until a few years ago (specifically after turning 30).

As I approach the inevitable dawning of my 35th year (which is technically the first part of my 36th year) and creep closer to the magical age of 40 (holding on to my younger appearing visage by will and scary biological agents), not only do I contemplate plastic surgery to enhance my own symmetry, I also realize the inevitabililty that younger people will seem somehow dumber. Yet why is it taht we want to look and feel dumber?

I'm convinced it's escapism and illusion.

That's it. I'm getting more sleep next week...